Sunday, May 10, 2015

It's Okay To Be Alone


    I just want to speak to the girls who are feeling alone, and have thrown themselves on the bed in tears because they feel so much. And it may seem like the rest of the world doesn't feel the way you do, and maybe you're right, because being able to feel so deeply is a gift and a curse. It's a gift because you experience so deeply and realistically that they don't even understand. And it's a curse because they can't understand. It's difficult to empathize with the impossible for us.
    Don't settle. Ever. I don't care if it's a 3-week fling before finals or you're looking for the father of your children. If he doesn't make you feel like the most important and beautiful thing in the world, he doesn't know what he has. And if he steps all over you, challenge him. Women can no longer stand by and be coy; we must be vicious and vital and demand what we deserve. If he bailed, call him out. If he cheated, leave. If he doesn't react like he is losing the greatest prize the world has ever seen, he doesn't realize the value of the woman at his feet. If he doesn't deserve your raw, unkempt brand of affection, take it away from him. Take pride in removing yourself from a situation and keeping your head high. Take pride in being worth the wait. And take pride in the nights you spend in your bed alone, because it's better than feeling empty in a bed that is full.
    It's okay to be alone.
    It's okay to be sad about it.
    What's not okay, is devaluing yourself for immediate gratification.
    What's not fair, is allowing anyone to share in the beauty of your youth who doesn't bask in the gratitude that they have you and you alone.

    You're okay.


Saturday, May 9, 2015

Angsty College Poem #1

I know I have to move on soon
'Cause it'll be 6 months in June
But I've got paintings in my head
Of you just laying in my bed

I don't regret a single second
With every heartbreak, there's a lesson
A phoenix can't rise without a fire
In this case, when you trust a liar

Scribbling messages in the dirt, of words you said and how they hurt

& I'll spring forward
With every fall back
Let the baggage
Begin to unpack
And scream the words
I know are true
Fuck your friends for telling me
That I could believe in you

Limerick for Jazz Hands


Do you remember the first night that I saw your show?
I didn't like your sister 'cause she dressed like a hoe
We drank coffee and vodka and we didn't say hi
'Cause we were so drunk by the end of the night

Trying To Pop-Punk

You took another girl to my hometown
You played her notes, you showed her around
And I guess that it's all the time
I just liked the way you said my name

It wasn't perfect, but it was worth it
Looked past the flaws in our design
Thought it was our time; but you weren't on time
I'll drown all my sorrows in red wine

Second Song

Title: Writer's Block


There's a time when I remember
When you looked at me like that
And to think this last December
All I fell for was your laugh
And Sometimes I almost call you
Expect a smile in your voice
But before I let it go through
I recall who made this choice

And there's days that I wake up
And I expect to see you there
But all I feel is the ache
Of another's loveless stare
And I know I had a reason
To leave your sorry ass
I just wish that "in the long run"
Meant that I moved on too fast

I wrote down our story
With the ending that I dreamed
Now that it's over
It's fictional it seems
And I can't seem to edit you
out of the book
Now that you're gone,
Where's the love that you took?
I described your eyes
Not that way it fell through
Didn't write down the lies
'Cause I thought they were truth
And I can't seem to edit you
Out of it now
Even though we've both changed
I can't just can't figure out how

There's a time when I remember
When you looked at me like that
And to think this last December
All I fell for was your laugh
Sometimes I almost call you
Expect a smile in your voice
But before I let it go through
I recall who made this choice

And there's days that I wake up
And I expect to see you there
But All I feel is the ache
Of another's loveless stare
And I know I had a reason
To leave your sorry ass
I just wish that "in the long run"
Meant that I moved on too fast

The First Real Song

Title: Someday

When I can fly again, it’ll be alright
Try to pretend that everything’s just fine

I’ve been stuck in this bed for 3 damn weeks
And I, didn’t know that I could get tired of sleep
But I,
Gotta get away
Gotta run away
Someday, someday
Gotta get away
Gotta run away
Someday, someday

And I thought that I should see you
But then again, what do I know?
Didn’t realize the song you sang was, just for show
And I know that I’ll get over you
Baby, you ain’t no thing
Didn’t realize that heartbreak would be the song you’d choose to sing
Nah nah nah
A-Nah nah nah, nah nah nah
Nah nah nah

I’ve been stuck in this bed for 3 damn weeks
And I, didn’t know that I could get tired of sleep
But I,
Gotta get away
Gotta run away
Someday, someday
Gotta get away
Gotta run away
Someday, someday

When I can fly again, it'll be alright
Try to pretend everything's just fine
When I can fly again, there’s a million things I’ll do
But when I can fly again, it’s damn sure not to you

College Cheer Tryouts

    I would just like to take this time to offer some first-hand advice for your first college cheer tryout. When I tried out, I had trouble finding what I was looking for as far as what to expect. I have been a cheerleader for about 8 years now (I think that makes me officially...old) and a cheerleader at The University of Texas at Arlington for 3 years. (UTA, go Mavs) There are 3 things I think are important to understand about your first college tryout.

One, being open and inviting.

    This may seem obvious, but you'd be surprised how much your body language and typical behaviors can be misinterpreted by a new team. You are being judged on more than your skills, and the ideal "rookie" is willing to try new things and accept criticism. Even if you have vast experience with a skill, things are done differently in college and you need to be able to cordially accept constructive criticism from older teammates.
    And don't let being intimidated by someone allow you to put them on a pedestal. Remember that everyone is the way that they are for a reason. Everyone is fighting a battle that you may not understand, but that they have struggled through and grown because of. Your veterans have been in your shoes, and have seen many come and go through the team. The way they treat you comes from their experience and their perspective. But their opinion of you is not yet determined, and they may be skeptical of your loyalty or work ethic initially. Don't take this personally. You can prove to be a great teammate by being willing and able.
    College cheerleading involves new aspects that aren't even legal in all-star or high school. You will be asked to try something that terrifies you, and it's okay to be scared. However, if you refuse, you will not receive positive feedback from your team. (Particularly if they're a shoulder stand)* Ask questions, as many as you need to understand. And be honest about your fears, and your veterans will talk you through them. Be open and willing and honest.

Two, push and encourage everyone else on the team.

    This is a team sport, and even more so, this is more about the general success of the team than your own. College cheerleading revolves around encouragement from within and a spirit that comes from the heart. That's what wins national championships. Even if someone isn't your favorite teammate, a kind word during practice can change their whole day. You will be surprised when these same people remind you later on how much it helped them, and later on they will repay the favor when it comes to the routine.
    And you need friends on your team. Don't reject and put down your teammates, plain and simple. You never know who you will need on your side later on. And remember, dead mat hurts your body. It just does. And until college cheerleading adopts spring floors, we will all hurt equally and awfully. Try not to downplay others injuries when they complain. Imagine yourself in their shoes, and remain cordial.
    Yell for someone when you see them in need, and they will return the favor.

Three, wear spandex.

    This is something that was not explained to me before I tried out, and I showed up in Soffee shorts. No, nobody is going to make fun of you publicly, but you will stand out. Nike pros are the most comfortable in my and my team's opinion, but any will work. (I recommend black, if you tumble, and if you do, you know why)
    If you don't feel comfortable, by all means, wear what you want. I like to wear spandex workout pants to practice, when I don't have to do some form of thigh stand in a pyramid. But I'd wait to do this until you're certain your coach accepts wearing pants to practice. Just know that the college cheerleaders at every tryout I've been at wear spandex to tryouts and practice.




I hope that this helps someone, somewhere. Thanks for the read. Good luck at your tryout!





*position in college pyramids at the bottom, where a person stands on your shoulders. The "top-top" flyer is then thrown on top of the mid-layer flyer.